This book was written by an executive coach focused on challenges in interpersonal behavior and getting people to focus on their positive skills rather than negative behaviors. The premise is based on fixing minor behavioral issues by pointing them out, showing how they cause problems, and helping fix them with slight tweaks to get a better outcome.

People often:

overestimate their contributions at work
take full or partial credit for group successes
think highly of their own skills
focus more on successes and ignore failures and missed deadlines
exaggerate the impact of their work on net profits

Often, this is due to the positive reinforcement that we get from our successes. These beliefs can become a liability when it’s time to change. The sheer face that we have skills, confidence, motivation, and free choice sometimes makes us somewhat resistant to change and can be a barrier to success. The higher you go in an organization, the more your problems stem from behavioral issues and not skill issues.

Following are the 21 habits that often hold people back:

1. Winning Too Much. When the issue is important we want to win and can be over-competitive.
2. Adding Too Much Value. It’s difficult for successful people to listen without communicating that they already were in the know and know a better way. One way to cope with this is cutting off responses with ‘great idea’.
3. Passing Judgement. Try to remain neutral. Don’t take sides. Don’t present an opinion. Simply say ‘Thanks – I hadn’t considered that.’ You’ll appear more agreeable.
4. Making Destructive Comments. Avoid destructive comments. Before you say something or take action, think to yourself, would I want my mother to read about this in the newspaper. Also, ask yourself if the comment will help and if the answer is ‘no’ then don’t say it.
5. Starting With a ‘No’, ‘But’, or ‘However’. When you start a sentence with these, the message you are sending to the other person is ‘you are wrong.’
6. Telling The World How Smart We Are. Don’t boast about how much you know.
7. Speaking When Angry. It’s hard to lead when you’ve lost control and the hothead image is hard to live down.
8. Negativity or “Let me explain why that won’t work.” Monitor your statements and the moment someone offers you a helpful suggestion – if you find yourself saying ‘let me tell you why that won’t work’, then you need to work on this trait.
9. Withholding Information. Intentionally withholding information deletes value. Rather than gaining an edge, you’re breeding mistrust. We often unintentionally withhold information when we get too busy.
10. Failing to Give Proper Recognition. Don’t deprive people of recognition for their work on a project.
11. Claiming Credit We Don’t Deserve. This is viewed as theft. This is probably the largest interpersonal crime. The best way to avoid doing this is to share the wealth.
12. Making Excuses. Don’t stereotype your behavior and use it to excuse bad behavior.
13. Clinging To The Past. Focus on changing the future rather than dwelling in the past.
14. Playing Favorites. Don’t unknowingly (or knowingly) encourage sucking up. Don’t just reward those who pile on admiration.
15. Refusing to Express Regret. Expressing regret and apologizing is a cleansing ritual. While it may sometimes be painful to admit we are wrong, it’s necessary.
16. Not listening. Take the time to listen and don’t be impatient.
17. Failing to Express Gratitude. Thanking is a super gesture in interpersonal relations. Thank for both positive and negative feedback.
18. Punishing The Messenger. Rather than responding with anger or frustration, just say ‘thank you’.
19. Passing The Buck. Don’t blame other for your mistakes. How well you own up to mistakes makes a bigger impression than how you revel in your successes.
20. An Excessive Need To Be “Me.” Less Me. More Them equals success.
21. Goal Obsessions. Don’t get so wrapped up in achieving your goal that you ignore the larger picture.

Overcoming These Obstacles

You need four commitments: (1) Let go of the past. (2) Tell the truth. (3) Be supportive and helpful. (4) Pick something to improve upon.

Step 1. Feedback

There are 3 ways to get feedback: solicited, unsolicited, and direct observation.

Solicited feedback should come from a 3rd party to ensure openness. The only question that you can directly ask people is ‘How can I do better?’

Unsolicited feedback is also known as the blindside event. It is rare and painful but very instructive.

Observational feedback – not all feedback comes from asking or hearing feedback that others volunteer. Write down all the comments you hear people make about you for one day and rate them as positive or negative. See if any patterns emerge.

Step 2. Apologize

Simply say “I’m sorry. I’ll try to do better in the future.” Don’t explain it. Don’t complicate it. Don’t qualify it.

Step 3. Telling the World

Declare exactly in what are you plan to change. Repeat the message week after week until the message sinks in and people accept the possibility that you’re changing. Stay on message and repeat often.

Access free resources from Marshall Goldsmith

Tracy’s book Eat That Frog!: 21 Great Ways to Stop Procrastinating and Get More Done in Less Timestarts with the premise that there is always more to do than you can accomplish in the amount of time available to you. The “frog” is the one task that has the greatest impact on your life.

Set the Table. Decide what you want to achieve in each area of your life. Clarity is the most important concept in personal productivity. Think on paper by having clear written goals.

Goal Setting Methodology

1. Decide exactly what you want or sit down with your boss and decide what your goals and objectives are. One of the worst uses of time is to do something well that need not be done at all.
2. Write it down. When you write your goal down you crystallize it and give it tangible form.
3. Set a deadline on your goal. A deadline helps the goal have urgency.
4. Make a list of everything you need to do to achieve your goal.
5. Organize your list into a plan by priority and sequence
6. Take action on your plan immediately
7. Resolve to do something every day that moves you to your major goal.

Plan Every Day In Advance Every minute spent in planning saves about 10 minutes in execution. There are different lists that you need for different purposes. You should have a master list that lists everything that you want to do in the future. You should also have a monthly list that you make up at the end of the month for the month ahead. You should also have a weekly list that is under construction as you go through the course of the week. And finally, a daily list. Working progressively through a list provides steady visible progress and helps overcome procrastination.

Apply the 80/20 Rule to Everything 20% of your activities will account for 80% of your results. Before you begin work, ask if the task is in your top 20% of your work or the bottom 80%. Don’t spend your time on low value tasks. You ability to chose between the important and unimportant is key to your success at work. Make a list of all of your tasks and key goals. Resolve to spend more and more time working on those few areas that can really make a difference in your career and less time on low value items.

Think About The Consequences The potential consequences of doing or not doing an activity helps you determine what your next task should be. Long term thinking improves short-term decision making. With a long-term clear vision, you are much better at evaluating a task in the present to determine if it will reward you in the long-term. Resolve to gulp down your frog first thing. There is never enough time to do everything but there is always enough time to do the important things. Focus on finishing your most important task on schedule.

Practice Creative Procrastination Since you must procrastinate, decide to procrastinate on low value activities. Learn to say ‘no’ politely and courteously to anything that is not a high value use of your time and your life. Look at your work activities and see what you can delegate or eliminate to focus on the things that really matter.

Practice the ABCDE method This is a priority setting technique. List all items for the coming day. A = very important/must do; B = should do but has mild consequences; C = nice to do but no consequences; D = something you can delegate to someone else; E = eliminate all together. Focus first on the ‘A’ tasks.

Focus on Key Result Areas Determine your key result areas – the things that you are completely responsible for. Makes sure that those above, below, and next to you are in agreement on the key result areas. The second step is to grade yourself in each of those areas to determine which areas you are strong vs weak in. Your weakest area is the one that determine how much you achieve. It acts as a drag on your effectiveness. Set a goal and make a plan to improve in that particular area. Ask your boss, coworkers, friends and yourself this question: What one skill, if I developed and did it in an excellent fashion, would have the greatest positive impact on my career?

The Law of Three Make a list of things that you do over the course of a week or a month. If you could only do one task on the list, which would be the activity that contributes the most to your company. Identify the top three items. There are always 3 key tasks that contribute the most to your career.

Spend time and: Write down your 3 most important goals down in life in 30 seconds. What are your 3 most important business/career goals. hat are your 3 most important family/relationship goals. What are your 3 most important Financial goals? What are your 3 most important Health goals? What are your 3 most important Personal/Professional development goals? What are your 3 most important Social/Community goals? What are your 3 biggest problems/concerns in life right now?

It is quality of time at work that counts and quantity of time at home that matters. Asking these questions helps you build balance and overall happiness.

Prepare Thoroughly Before You Begin To get things done faster, have everything at hand before you begin. Clear off your workspace to have only one task in front of you. Prepare things in advance. Launch immediately toward your goals. Don’t expect perfection the first time, expect to fail but have faith that you’ll get it 80% right on the first try.

Take It One Oil Barrel At A Time. Get your mind off the huge task and focus on a single task that you can take. Perform one task at a time, quickly and well, and then move on to the next task. Make a list of all of the steps you need to take to complete the task and take one step immediately and complete one item on the list.

Upgrade Your Key Skills. Learn what you need to learn so that you can do your work in an excellent fashion. Get better at your key tasks. When you know that you can do a job well, you find it easier to overcome procrastination. Make a plan to continually upgrade your skills in those areas. Continuous learning is required for success in every field. Read in your field for 1 hour every day. Take every course and seminar on key skills that can help you. Listen to audio programs in the car to turn driving time into learning time.

Leverage Your Special Talents Everyone has talents and abilities that make them remarkable and important. Identify your special areas of uniqueness and commit yourself to excelling in those areas. What gets you the most compliments and praise from other people? These things often really make a difference in your work. Continually ask yourself: “what am I really good at? what do i enjoy the most about my work? what has been most responsible for my success? Develop a personal plan to do your most important tasks in an excellent fashion.

Identify Your Key Constraints Determine what is holding you back by asking yourself: “Why are you at your goal already?” Identify the limiting factor on each task and spend your energy on alleviating that choke point. 80% of constraints are often internal, either inside you or within your department/organization. 20% are external. Have the honesty to look inside yourself and ask “What is it in me that is holding me back.” Take the time to identify the one more important goal of the day and then determine the one constraint that sets the speed at which you accomplish this goal. Take action immediately and get started.

Put The Pressure on Yourself. Don’t wait for someone else to come along and put pressure on you to finish your own work. Set your own standards and motivate yourself to go the extra mile. Work as though you only had 1 day to get your most important work done before leaving town for 1 month.Set deadlines and subdeadlines on each task and subtask and stick to your deadlines.

Maximize Your Personal Powers. Productivity declines after 8 or 9 hours of work and tiredness decreases the quality of work. Identify the times when you are at your best during the day and use this time to work on your most challenging tasks. Make sure that you get enough sleep during the week.Take at least 1 full day off each week and don’t read, catch up on things from the office, or do anything that taxes your brain. This will allow your brain to recharge itself. Eat well. Exercise. Take care of your body in general since it gives you the fuel to work.

Motivate Yourself Into Action. Become your own personal cheerleader to encourage yourself to play at the top of your game. Become a complete optimist and respond positively to the situations and people around you. Remain cheerful and upbeat. Look for the good in every situation. Seek the valuable lesson in every setback. Look for the solution to every problem.

Get Out of Technological Time Sinks. Don’t let technology be your enemy. Detach from technology and communication devices from time to time to avoid being overwhelmed. Don’t be afraid to declare email bankruptcy after a vacation. Discipline yourself to use technology as a servant and not as your master. Technology should not cause you extra stress.

Slice and Dice The Task. Lay out the task in detail and resolve to do one slice of the task one step at a time. It’s easier to do a small piece of a large project then the whole job at once. Finishing a small task helps you feel satisfied and successful and encourages you to work more. Another option is to resolve to work for a specific amount of time on a task such as 10 minutes. Both of these methods give you a sense of forward momentum.

Create Large Chunks of Time. Work at scheduled times on large tasks. Carve out high value, highly productive time. Build your work life around accomplishing key tasks in scheduled blocks of time. Eliminate all distractions, phone and email, and focus on key objectives. Creatively organize your time to get your key jobs done on time.

Develop a Sense of Urgency. With an ingrained sense of urgency, you develop a bias toward taking action. You concentrate on the things that you can do right now and builds a fast tempo. Take continuous action against your goals. Once you’ve overcome the inertia against beginning a task, it requires less energy to continue doing more work.

Single Handle Every Task. Once you begin, you keep working at the task until the job is 100% complete. Each time you leave and return to a task, you lose a lot of time in the transition. But if you prepare throughly and begin, you work faster and more effectively. Start a high priority task and work on it until it is complete. The more you discipline yourself, the more you respect yourself. This creates positive reinforcement toward molding yourself as a more productive person.

The Drunkard’s Walk: How Randomness Rules Our Lives (Vintage)

I’m going to admit up front that I had a tough time getting through this book and ultimately gave up before finishing it. It’s not bad or poorly written, rather it discusses the history of statistics in depth. Coincidentally, at this time, I’m studying for actuarial exams and this was a little too much mental overload for me.

Summary:

The thought processes of individuals are seriously flawed when chance is involved. The human mind is build to accept that everything has a cause and thus it has a difficult time dealing with random factors. The title The Drunkard’s Walk comes from a mathematical term for random motion. The goal of this book is to illustrate the role of chance in the world around us.

Random events and our responses to those events determine our fate. Life is hard to predict and hard to interpret. When we use our habitual ways of thinking, we can come to solutions that are less than optimal. The human response to uncertainty is quite complex. The fear portion of the brain is activated when making a decision couched in uncertainty.

In any series of random events, an extraordinary event is likely followed by an ordinary or normal event. People’s intuition about randomness often fails them. When it came to random processes, people’s belief and intuition very often let them down. At this point, the author includes many studies and examples to highlight this point.

A lot of what happens to people in life is based on a combination of random factors and skill. The link between our individuals actions and the outcome of those actions is not as direct as we’d like it to be. We often underestimate the effects of randomness. Chance events are often misconstrued as accomplishments or failures. Random events come in groups, streaks, and clusters. These clusters are often misinterpreted and acted on. Again, the author includes several examples and studies to highlight these tendencies.

To understand randomness, you must first understand probability. The probability that 2 events will both occur can never be greater than the probability that each will occur individually. If the details we are given fit our mental picture, the more real it seems and the more probable it seems to be. However, the more details added to the conjecture make it less likely to happen. A good story is always less probable than a less satisfactory explanation.

People have poor memories when estimating the frequency and probability of specific occurrences. It is called the availability bias. In reconstructing the past, we give unwarranted importance to memories that are the most vivid and therefore the most available for retrieval. It distorts our view of the world by distorting our perception of past events and the world in general.

Then the author goes into a very lengthy discussion of: probability, the history of probability, calculus, and other mathematic topics such as limits, law of large numbers, sample spaces, conditional probability etc. The conclusion is that our brains are just not wired to do probability problems very well.

The chances of an event depend on the number of ways it can occur. This has a large effect and can be difficult to calculate and factor into a probability problem. The entire book looks at the world through the lens of mathematics and says that randomness is really the clash between the logical proof and the proof of the senses.

When we observe a relatively small number of outcomes, we tend to infer information and make judgments about the qualities that lead to those outcomes. Numbers always seem to have the air of authority. The book then goes on to discuss standard deviation, normal distribution, etc.

I really wanted to enjoy this book, but it just didn’t totally capture my interest. Hopefully based on my summary, it might prove to be more interesting to some of you out there.

This book is an attempt to focus on persuasion as a science rather than an art. It relies on a significant body of research to compile this list.

1) Social Proof – People look outside themselves to justify their actions. You can persuade individuals by highlighting that a majority of people do ‘x’.
2) More individualized messages get greater results. The more similar the testimonial is to the audience, the more persuasive the message.
3) Social proof can backfire if you are showing that the wrong course of action is popular. This inadvertently focus the audience on the negative rather than the positive.
4) People who deviate from the average will move toward the average. This is true even if individuals were already acting in a socially desirable way.
5) For those acting in a socially desirable way, there needs to be praise or positive reinforcement of the good behavior.
6) Too many choices overwhelm people unless people are clear about their options.
7) When giving a free gift with an item, the value of the free item declines in the mind of the purchaser.
When multiple products are offered, the middle item is often selected as the compromise approach.
9) Clear, specific, effective steps to avoid threats is key to helping people avoid inaction due to fear.
10) Reciprocation is a social norm and can be used effectively to persuade.
11) Sticky notes with a handwritten note add a personal touch and encourage people to respond due to reciprocity. The more personalized the request, the more likely you’ll get a response.
12) Significance, unexpectedness, and personalization make giving a gift more meaningful and persuasive.
13) Reciprocation based messages are more effective than incentive based messages. When soliciting cooperation, help should be offered unconditionally with no strings attached.
14) There is a strong social obligation to return favors.
15) Assigning a label and then making a request using that label is an effective way to persuade – ex – ‘above average citizens are more likely to vote’
16) After people have publicly stated their intention to do something, they are motivated to act consistent with their commitment.
17) Active commitments are more likely to be followed through on.
18) Praise previous decisions as correct in light of the evidence that existed at the time.
19) Those asked to do a favor, however inconvenient, are viewed by the asker more favorably.
20) Asking for small favors increases participation (ex – ‘Even a penny will help’)
21) Lower starting prices lead to higher final prices in auctions.
22) Have someone else introduce your expertise rather than tooting your own horn.
23) Operating individually will be defeated by a collaborative group. Team input leads to better outcomes.
24) Allow yourself to be dissuaded. If everyone agrees, it’s fruitful to seek out a dissenting opinion. A real dissenter adds more value to the process than a devil’s advocate.
25) Training based on errors yields better results.
26) Arguing against your self interests makes you seem more trustworthy and honest in the eyes of others.
27) The positive and negative attributes need to be related to enhance positive feelings. (ex – small but intimate) The weakness is then associated with a strength.
28) When taking responsibility for mistakes, take blame based on internal factors immediately followed by an action plan.
29) We’re most likely to relate to others when we share similarities – even subtle ones.
30) People are attracted to professions with names like their own. People like products that match their own name.
31) Matching verbalizations and mirroring elicits a generous response. It leads to enhance trust.
32) Authenticity in smiling helps encourage others to have more positive experiences.
33) People show a greater desire when an item is scarce or unique.
34) People are more sensitive to possible loss than possible gain.
35) If you make a request, include the word ‘because’ and a strong rationale.
36) Concrete images are more persuasive.
37) Avoid overly complex language in messages.
38) Rhyming phrases are viewed as more accurate and pleasing.
39) Putting things in comparison to each other helps create perceptual context.
40) Reframing a program as started but not completed increases participation and being close to finishing a goal encourages people to hurry up and finish it.
41) Ambiguous titles can increase excitement.
42) Using a memory aid to reinforce a brand is very persuasive.
43) Looking at ourselves in the mirror makes us behave in socially desirable ways and more consistently with our values.
44) Emotions affect judgment and decision making capabilities.
45) We are more susceptible to persuasion when we are tired.
46) Caffeine makes you more persuasive because it makes the audience more alert.
47) Miscommunication is more likely in email due to lack of inflection and tone as part of the message.
48) Social influence differs by culture. In individualistic societies focus on the benefit to the self. In collectivistic societies, focus on the benefit to the group members.
49) Individualistic societies are motivated by prior commitment. Collectivistic societies are motivated by what peers do.
50) If dealing from someone from a collectivistic culture, remember that communication is viewed as part of building the relationship.

If this book had a theme song, it would be Synchronicity II by The Police.

Here are the key points in summary:

3 keys to effective communication (KFC)

1) Know what you want
2) Feedback – get it
3) Change what you do until you get what you want

Establish Rapport

You have less than 90 seconds to make a favorable impression. But there are several ways that you can encourage rapport.

1) Mimic the body language of the other person – subtly of course. Copy the other person’s gestures, posture, head tilts, facial expressions, and breathing.
2) Act cheery, interested, warm, and engaging
3) Think about the attitude you want to project
4) Present open body language. Body language, particularly from the neck up, is powerful in setting perceptions. Make sure your body language is very open – open hands, uncrossing arms, genuine smile, exposed heart, raise eyebrows to show interest.

Communication essentials

In communication 55% is visual, 38% is vocal (sound), and 7% is the actual words that you say (verbal). All 3 pieces must match. We feel most comfortable around people that are like us so synchronize with the other person. Match their body language (visual) and voice via tone, volume, speed, pitch, rhythm, and words (sound) and you’ll get pretty far.

Conversation is 2 parts asking questions and actively listening to the answers.

Asking Questions

To establish rapport and kick off a conversation, make a location or occasion statement and then follow it with an open ended question. Ex – There are so many wonderful people at this party. How do you know the host?

Keep asking open ended questions and work towards finding common interests, goals, and experiences. Add richness and imagery to descriptions whenever you can. It makes the content more exciting to the other person. Example without imagery: I waited in the rain for the shuttle. Example with imagery: I was standing at the shuttle stop with the rain gently falling all around. There was that smell of wet pavement floating through the air.

Accept compliments graciously with a ‘thank you’ and a polite comment. Don’t complain, criticize, or condemn and don’t monopolize the conversation or give 1-word answers.

Actively Listen

Listen and give spoken feedback based on your feelings and showing concern and interest in the other person. Ex – Wow! I can’t believe that you’ve know the host for 5 years and we haven’t ever met. You seem so interesting and I really wish I would have made your acquaintance sooner.

Sensory Preferences

People have different sensory preferences and part of establishing rapport is being flexible enough to recognize these preferences and match them. Preferences fall into 3 categories:

Visuals – will talk in picture words. Ex – Looks good to me, Let’s see, eye on the prize, etc. Most people fall into this category. Visuals need to see proof or evidence. They think in pictures and are often fast talkers. They favor picture words.

Auditories – will talk in sound works. Ex – We need harmony, sounds familiar, does that ring a bell. Auditories love conversation and favor sound related words.

Kinesthetics – will use physical words. Ex – wrestling with a problem, tackling a project, getting in touch. Kinesthetics like solid and well constructed arguments. They favor physical words and focus on feelings. They will often fidget while speaking.

It’s important to learn to recognize and adapt to all three styles. Look good for visuals and present them with pretty pictures, graphs, and presentations. Develop a pleasing tone for auditories. Be sensitive and flexible for kinesthetics.

By putting all of these tips together, you’ll be able to make people like you in less than 90 seconds.

How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less

However, it all seems to boil down to a simple point: Hyperspending = bad. Basically, don’t spend more than you make! Acting like a millionaire before you become a millionaire is the quickest way to the poor house.

Stop Acting Rich: …And Start Living Like A Real Millionaire

Interesting: Mildly
Predictable: Mostly common sense
Readability: Easy/Quick Read
Category: Personal Finance