What Got You Here Won’t Get You There: How Successful People Become Even More Successful
This book was written by an executive coach focused on challenges in interpersonal behavior and getting people to focus on their positive skills rather than negative behaviors. The premise is based on fixing minor behavioral issues by pointing them out, showing how they cause problems, and helping fix them with slight tweaks to get a better outcome.
People often:
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overestimate their contributions at work
take full or partial credit for group successes
think highly of their own skills
focus more on successes and ignore failures and missed deadlines
exaggerate the impact of their work on net profits
Often, this is due to the positive reinforcement that we get from our successes. These beliefs can become a liability when it’s time to change. The sheer face that we have skills, confidence, motivation, and free choice sometimes makes us somewhat resistant to change and can be a barrier to success. The higher you go in an organization, the more your problems stem from behavioral issues and not skill issues.
Following are the 21 habits that often hold people back:
1. Winning Too Much. When the issue is important we want to win and can be over-competitive.
2. Adding Too Much Value. It’s difficult for successful people to listen without communicating that they already were in the know and know a better way. One way to cope with this is cutting off responses with ‘great idea’.
3. Passing Judgement. Try to remain neutral. Don’t take sides. Don’t present an opinion. Simply say ‘Thanks – I hadn’t considered that.’ You’ll appear more agreeable.
4. Making Destructive Comments. Avoid destructive comments. Before you say something or take action, think to yourself, would I want my mother to read about this in the newspaper. Also, ask yourself if the comment will help and if the answer is ‘no’ then don’t say it.
5. Starting With a ‘No’, ‘But’, or ‘However’. When you start a sentence with these, the message you are sending to the other person is ‘you are wrong.’
6. Telling The World How Smart We Are. Don’t boast about how much you know.
7. Speaking When Angry. It’s hard to lead when you’ve lost control and the hothead image is hard to live down.
8. Negativity or “Let me explain why that won’t work.” Monitor your statements and the moment someone offers you a helpful suggestion – if you find yourself saying ‘let me tell you why that won’t work’, then you need to work on this trait.
9. Withholding Information. Intentionally withholding information deletes value. Rather than gaining an edge, you’re breeding mistrust. We often unintentionally withhold information when we get too busy.
10. Failing to Give Proper Recognition. Don’t deprive people of recognition for their work on a project.
11. Claiming Credit We Don’t Deserve. This is viewed as theft. This is probably the largest interpersonal crime. The best way to avoid doing this is to share the wealth.
12. Making Excuses. Don’t stereotype your behavior and use it to excuse bad behavior.
13. Clinging To The Past. Focus on changing the future rather than dwelling in the past.
14. Playing Favorites. Don’t unknowingly (or knowingly) encourage sucking up. Don’t just reward those who pile on admiration.
15. Refusing to Express Regret. Expressing regret and apologizing is a cleansing ritual. While it may sometimes be painful to admit we are wrong, it’s necessary.
16. Not listening. Take the time to listen and don’t be impatient.
17. Failing to Express Gratitude. Thanking is a super gesture in interpersonal relations. Thank for both positive and negative feedback.
18. Punishing The Messenger. Rather than responding with anger or frustration, just say ‘thank you’.
19. Passing The Buck. Don’t blame other for your mistakes. How well you own up to mistakes makes a bigger impression than how you revel in your successes.
20. An Excessive Need To Be “Me.” Less Me. More Them equals success.
21. Goal Obsessions. Don’t get so wrapped up in achieving your goal that you ignore the larger picture.
Overcoming These Obstacles
You need four commitments: (1) Let go of the past. (2) Tell the truth. (3) Be supportive and helpful. (4) Pick something to improve upon.
Step 1. Feedback
There are 3 ways to get feedback: solicited, unsolicited, and direct observation.
Solicited feedback should come from a 3rd party to ensure openness. The only question that you can directly ask people is ‘How can I do better?’
Unsolicited feedback is also known as the blindside event. It is rare and painful but very instructive.
Observational feedback – not all feedback comes from asking or hearing feedback that others volunteer. Write down all the comments you hear people make about you for one day and rate them as positive or negative. See if any patterns emerge.
Step 2. Apologize
Simply say “I’m sorry. I’ll try to do better in the future.” Don’t explain it. Don’t complicate it. Don’t qualify it.
Step 3. Telling the World
Declare exactly in what are you plan to change. Repeat the message week after week until the message sinks in and people accept the possibility that you’re changing. Stay on message and repeat often.
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